I prefer walking around the school campus alone these days. I don’t want to be with my friends and I don’t want to be around them.
One factor is because I am really really annoyed with my best friend. It’s not the first time this happened, but the way I’m becoming more vexed with her is just not calming down. It just grows gradually and I don’t know why.
When you become close to someone, you no longer just see the good side of them. Sooner or later, they’ll get caught off guard and be comfortable enough to show you the bad side of them. And that is exactly what’s happening.
We’ve been best friends since grade five, and we’ve had two big fights so far, and those fights were brought upon by her complaining about me. I’ve put up with her enough, and I guess I just happen to be full of it because I can’t seem to remember why she’s even my best friend.
I guess the vice-principal separating us was a great idea. I wish they didn’t allow them to transfer to my class.
Because really, I’m beginning to think that it would’ve been better that way.
I feel frustrated just thinking about this. I don’t want to throw away the years of friendship I’ve had with her just because of this problem–just because I’m really annoyed with her to the extent that I take my anger out by murdering people virtually via Rockstar video games. And I’ve been doing that a lot lately…
So, why am I annoyed? Because she’s been really insensitive. Everyone has their own insensitive and self-centered side but …is it too much to ask that they keep it down?
Argh. I don’t know what to do. I really really really don’t want to hang out with her… at least for a while. At least after this anger subsides. But I can’t! Because when I tried that yesterday, when my seatmate and her best friend invited me to join them for lunch and I said yes, you know what she did and said? She pushed me and said: “FIne, be with them.”
I got really angry when she did that. She hangs out with other people besides me yet I never push her and say anything like that. For all I know, she’s the one always hanging out with other people more! SO WHY CAN’T I?
I have other friends besides her, and other friends mean knowing secrets of other people. I was conversing with this other friend of mine, and she was confiding to me this secret about her bandmates. We were talking about something confidential but then she arrived and stayed there. We stopped talking and just looked at her…we were giving her a lot of hints that she wasn’t supposed to be there, but she just asked and tried to join in the conversation anyway.
Hey, she knows secrets of other people, and whenever she talks about those confidential topics with them, I leave them alone. Why can’t she do the same?
WHY AM I EVEN BLOGGING ABOUT THIS? Am I really that irritated with her? YES. I’m really irritated to the extent of wanting to roam around school alone rather than being with her.
And that is why if you’re my schoolmate, you’ll see me walking alone.
I don’t care if you think I’m a loner. I won’t care because you don’t even know what really is happening. I don’t care if you see me walking with other friends. I won’t care because you have no idea how much I’m annoyed with my best friend that when you leave me alone with her I don’t feel like talking cause if I would… I think that I’ll just pour out how annoying she is. And I’ll probably be saying it rudely and in an exaggerated manner because by that time I’ll probably be angry enough not to realize I’m already hurting her feelings.
But it’s not like she’s never hurt my feelings. She has. And she been hurting my feelings a lot.
With my taste of music, for example. She’s been criticizing it and telling me how bad or gay it sounds. Well here’s the thing: Shut up cause I never fucking criticized the music you fucking like. You should know how to respect people’s ideas, opinions, and feelings! Doesn’t mean we’re close and you say things like that you won’t offend me okay?
You keep telling me how pampered I am because I’ve never commuted by myself? Who fucking cares? I’m not the only one with parents who are overprotective and actually loves me.
You tell me that my favorite color is ugly and shit? WELL SHUT THE FUCK UP. It’s my favorite color. I’m not asking you to like it, so why tell me how much you don’t like it?
You complain that you want to hang out and now that I’ve actually tried to prepare time for us best friends in my house you tell me that you’ll never visit my house again cause there is nothing to do and because it is small? Well don’t be such a brat. Not everyone has a house as big or bigger than yours.
I’m really full of it. I’m tired. I don’t know how I’ve put up with you and I don’t know how I managed to do so… but I’m really sorry because I really really really… as much as I love you… I’m really annoyed with you right now.